SemiCircle

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 15:57:48 -1600

ZASYSXGDWDE3

REBOOT

Thu, 3 Sep 2009 09:25:36 -1600

Labor Day Reboot. I swear.

Tranformers: Revenge on my Wallet

Wed, 1 Jul 2009 08:49:29 -1600

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen sucked. It sucked in ways that the original didn't. Why?

- The plot was summed up twice during the movie, once at the beginning by Optimus Prime and then halfway through the movie by Jetfire. The rest of the movie had no plot. So, for a two hour thirty minute movie, the plot consisted of about five minutes.

- The acting was horrible. This has to be the worst blockbuster cast of all time. Shia Labeouf is horrible. All he does is scream and talk fast throughout the chaos. His college roomate (actor Ramon Rodriguez) is absolutely terrible. And, sadly, John Turturro, who had a terrific career before the Transformers series, is complete garbage (thanks for that terrible shot of your naked backside, by the way). They even find a way to completely screw up two of the main robots in the film, twins Skids and Mudflap. They are two potty mouthed adolescents that have no purpose in the flick other than to get a few (bad) laughs from pre-teens.

- The dialogue was the worst in a movie, ever. And I mean ever. Bad writing produces completely ridiculous lines, and this movie was full of them. From the terrible "no, you tell me you love me first" bickering to the completely absurd and raunchy mother to the speed-mouthed Latin college roommate (I'm not sure who gets a line out faster, him or Shia), the bantering in the movie makes you want to walk out the door.

- I heard warnings against taking kids to this movie for sexual content, but the real killer was the language. I believe every foul word with the exception of 'f' was there, and dick and fart jokes were the norm in this movie. Now I'm OK with dick and fart jokes when they're funny, but these jokes are positioned to make 5 year olds laugh. And trust me, no 5 year old should be seeing this movie. I guess the 13-14 year old crowd will think it's 'cool', but frankly I believe much of the raunchy behavior was too simplistic for them.

- The robots aren't used enough. Earth to Michael Bay: PUT THE ROBOTS IN EVERY SCENE! We don't need the terrible actors mucking this flick up. Use the Autobots (which, spare Optimus, Bumblebee, and Jetfire, are rarely seen) more. Explain who they are. Go deeper into the characters and lore. And as for the Decepticons, which were used well in the movie, add to their depth. Soundwave was reduced to a satellite in orbit! Scorponok, who was a big baddie in the first movie, was reduced to about 5 seconds of action time in this movie. People are paying to see these two groups battle it out on screen, and save for two big fight scenes, there wasn't a lot of battling going on.

- Earth to Michael Bay part 2: STOP USING SLOW MOTION!!! Seriously, it was old after your laughable slo-mo usage in Bad Boys 2. I swear, if you cut the slow motion out of Transformers 2, you'll have a 45 minute movie. It is used to such an abuse it's not funny. Which leads me to my point: the direction was horrible. Bay is a guy that is famous for making sucky summer blockbusters (The Island, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon), and this is no exception. This movie will go down as the biggest money-making suckfest ever.

Now to the good parts, which there were few:

- New robots - There were some great new robots in the mix, with Rampage, Soundwave (although terribly used), and Jetfire rounding out the mix. The Fallen was great, but they don't explore his background enough. Autobots Arcee, Sideswipe, Jolt are there, but are hardly used. The best newcomers are probably the Contructicons, who merge to form Devastator.

- Plot - The plot, although not completely original (part were lifted from the Marvel Comics series), was good. The Fallen brings with him some of the lore of the Transformers universe, but they could have delved deeper into it. Sadly, much of the robot history is lost in the human struggle shuffle, which is meaningless to the overall plot.

If Bay could keep the movie to the primary reasons why people go to see a Transformers movie (robots, robot plot, robot battles), then this franchise could be rescued. Sadly, with Bay at the helm, this will never happen.

I give Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 3 out of ten spare parts.

Monday Review - Moby

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:39:05 -1600

Artist - Moby
Album - Wait for Me

In Moby's last effort, he took a page from his past with a collection of new dance tracks spun from the early 90's club scene. This time, Moby revisits his past again. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out so well.

Wait for Me sounds like the B-side of his smash hit Play. Orchestrated tracks seem to go on and on in repetitive fashion, with overdone blues vocals bellowing on top. Songs like "Pale Horses" (which should be taken out back and shot) and "Study War" drudge on with a repetitive blues chant that will make you want to wish Moby never won accolades for this style of music. It was good in 1999, but is droll today.

Then there's the stuff that seemingly stemmed from his clunker album, Animal Rights. Tracks like "Shot in the Back of the Head", "Walk With Me", "A Seated Night" and "Scream Pilots" all roll on without a point or direction. Yes, some will say this is classical and brilliant work, but I say it's a poor excuse for a release. Chord transitions do not make a song. In fact, the last five tracks run on with such audacity and pointlessness that they are not really even worth listening to.

Moby desperately tries to tie things together with blips and blips like "Stock Radio", "JLTF 1", and "Division, but all they do is add unnecessary noise to seemingly careless tracks.

The only saving grace is "Mistake", sung by Moby himself. Reminiscent of Hotel, the track is the only song worth downloading on the album. "JLTF" isn't bad, but after a few listens it just doesn't grow on you.

Overall, this album isn't worth bothering over. It's a shame, I'm a huge Moby fan, but this just doesn't cut it. If you're looking for something to fall asleep to, this might be your album. For the rest of us: Moby, we'll see you again when you're done reminiscing.

Moby - Wait for Me -
Download - "Mistake"

The Hangover

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:02:21 -1600

Take a little known cast, mix in a Las Vegas backdrop, and add a commercial starring Mike Tyson, and what do you get? The funniest movie of the year.

That's The Hangover. It's a bachelor party movie, but you never get to see the bachelor party. Instead, you get to see the aftermath, and with that aftermath is so much to enjoy. The mysteries surrounding the fellas as they wake up the morning after a hazy night in Las Vegas keeps you (and them) on your toes. What could they have possibly done? Can their tale get any more absurd?

The comedic events are hilarious, and the lines are terrific. The character portrayed by Zach Galifianakis (say that three times fast) is reason alone to watch this movie. His character is an enigma, and his nonsensical lines drive the comedy. The baby scenes are great. The gangsters are funny. Hell, even Mike Tyson is good in this film. The street talk and positive word of mouth this movie has received made it number one last weekend. And there's a reason for it.

This is a must-see comedy. I give it an eight out of ten casino card dealers.

Monday Music Review - Dave Matthews Band

Tue, 2 Jun 2009 11:07:34 -1600

Artist - Dave Matthews Band
Album - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King

After four long years, the band returns to form with a new LP that should tantalize the hordes of fans, and should add to an already impressive live performance.

The album opens with "Grux", a long saxophone jam that moves right into the first vocal track "Shake Me Like a Monkey". With the introduction of the first two tracks, there's a feeling that DMB is taking a 'Big Easy' approach to this album, with heavy sax intro's, funky beats, and a bluesy feel. But the album is extremely diverse, moving from themes and styles prevalent in the entire Dave Matthews Band discography.

In the song "Funny the Way It Is" the band channels their best Alanis ("isn't it ironic?"). It's the first single off the album, and the chorus is extremely catchy. Speaking of Alanis, the song seems lifted from the album that had an Alanis duet, Before These Crowded Streets. It's an already classic Dave track, and has all the elements of a DMB song to make it compelling. "Squirm" also takes the BTCS path, with a strange (but cool) snake charmer appeal. This is classic Dave Matthews Band.

"Why I Am" revisits the themes that "Shake Me Like a Monkey" brings. Singing about drinking big whiskey and "dancing with the GrooGrux King", Matthews contemplates the afterlife, ghosts, and religion. The GrooGrux King is, in fact, former saxophist LeRoi Moore, who passed away last year, and much of the album keys in on life and death. Religion is also a key theme in the album, reverberating in "Spaceman" and "Time Bomb". The latter is a very different DMB song, with extremely dark and foreboding undertones. The song starts off fairly acoustic in nature, and transforms into a hard rock track with Matthews screaming "I wanna believe in Jesus". Strong stuff.

There's a lot of Dave's solo album here. "Lying in the Hands of God" and "You & Me". In fact, "You & Me" might be one of DMB's best love songs ever. It's uplifting and as a closing song, it brings a little positive hope to the overall moderately depressing album. The addition of guitarist and friend Tim Reynolds on the album is also apparent, as he goes off in a number of the tracks. The man has skills. Just listen to "Alligator Pie", with all the guitar plucking and strumming, and you know why he's on this album.

Overall, the album doesn't push the envelope with new experiences. More like a comfortable old sweater, Dave & crew are happy with their musical styling, and expect their fans are too.

Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King -
Download - "Funny the Way It Is", "Alligator Pie", "Squirm", "Time Bomb"

Movie Review - Terminator Salvation

Thu, 28 May 2009 08:20:37 -1600

Terminator Salvation got a bad rap. Reviewers around the globe have been blasting the hell out of it (only 33% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes), saying director McG sucked, the action flicks suck, and the script sucked. Well, I'm here to tell you they are wrong.

For starters, sit down and watch the original Terminator movie. From a conceptual standpoint, the movie is creative and compelling, but has little in the way of sci-fi effects or a great dialogue. Move to T2, where the two boys in the movie are ridiculous and laughable. Yes, the effects of T2 are terrific, but again the dialogue is just plain awful. Let's not even discuss the terrible plot of T3.

Which moves me to T4, Terminator Salvation. The script, set in the year 2018, is terrific. There is one minor flaw to the overall plot, which I can't divulge without spoilers, but I'll just say that a certain death was unnecessary and the character would have been terrific in future movies in the franchise. The characters are good. Sam Worthington does a fabulous job as Marcus Wright, a new character to the franchise. In fact, 80% of the movie is about him, and his salvation. From the start of the movie, you're told to hate this character, but slowly they chip away at you to get you to believe in him and cheer him on. Anton Yelchin, who recently played Chekov in Star Trek, is great as John Connor's father-to-be Kyle Reese, and Moon Bloodgood (is that really her name?) is great as Blair Williams.

Christian Bale is good, but in all honesty, he does not carry the flick. In fact, he, Bryce Dallas Howard (his wife), and Common (his best bud) show up in a lot less scenes that most people would think. Bale overacts in a few scenes, making you believe that McG might even put the now famous Bale rant right in the movie (he doesn't). But again, this movie is more about Marcus' struggle than it is John Connor's rise to the leader of the resistance.

The effects were great. I don't care what anyone tells you, when the T-800 shows up on screen, you get goosebumps. It was a terrific way to tie in the original robots to this movie. There are high flying chase scenes, great human vs. terminator fight scenes, and a fun trip into Skynet headquarters in San Fransisco, where we get to see terminators on the assembly line. Great stuff.

Overall, this is a must see summer movie. It had everything you want in an action flick, and it was well worth the money. And although reviewers are blasting it, overall regular day people reviews have been good. Which is where it really matters.

I give Terminator Salvation seven out of ten robot parts.

V Returns

Fri, 22 May 2009 07:08:35 -1600

If you haven't heard, the classic TV show V returns to ABC this fall. With an updated look and youthful cast, the alien takeover show looks promising. If you don't believe me, take a look at this promo:

Monday Music Review - Green Day

Mon, 18 May 2009 08:00:00 -1600

Artist - Green Day
Album - 21st Century Breakdown

Green Day return from an almost five year hiatus with a massive rock opera, 21st Century Breakdown. Most bands have a tough time living up to the reputation of their last release, especially if the release was lauded as a masterpiece or instant classic. Green Day's 2004 American Idiot was just such a release, so the band took their time to deliver the goods again. Smart move.

21st Century Breakdown is a successful attempt by the band to profile the current landscape of the world. From the government, to religion, to the media, the 18-track album covers the "selfish manipulation going on around us". Divided into three acts, the album follows a young couple during the early stages of the 21st century. It's very punk, very rock and roll. Billie Joe Armstrong has acknowledged bands like The Who, The Clash, and Bruce Springsteen as influences for 21st Century Breakdown. And it shows. From the political overtones to the transitional song style, this album is truly another instant classic. From the very opening, Green Day provides a lyrical landscape of angst, anger, and anxiousness.

The title track sets the tone of the entire album, which is a massive, hour-plus extravaganza. Decrying 'my generation is zero', the protagonist defines his angst and anger about the 'American dream'. From the first chord, Armstrong channels his very best Bruce Springsteen, and the song is one of the best on the album. The bookend "See the Light" summarizes our anti-hero's journey and final confessions. The first single, "Know Your Enemy", is a battle cry that blends in well on the album, however it's not a great standalone single.

"Viva la Gloria!" is one of many songs that portray the style of a rock opera. Ever changing tempos and melodies, reminiscent of "Jesus of Suburbia", emanate through this track. Other transitional tunes include "Before the Lobotomy", and "Viva la Gloria?" (yes, there are two songs with the same name).

"Christian's Inferno" and "Murder City" will make great singles, with their pounding rock style and fabulous guitar riffs. The love song "Last Night On Earth" might become their next "Boulevard of Broken Dreams". It is a classic slow rock track reminiscent of the Beatles. "Restless Heart Syndrome" is another fine ballad that finds our anti-hero on too much medication ("it's like some kind of suicide").

The band breaks a lot of interesting new ground as well. In "Peacemaker", the band tromps through a Spanish-Latin landscape, and in the fight song "Horseshoes and Handgrenades" the band pounds out the chords akin to The Clash. No fear, standard, old-school punk Green Day is also here, with songs like "East Jesus Nowhere" (which is a long lost twin to "Holiday") and "The Static Age".

The album is a rock and roll roller coaster, taking the listener through the paces of desperation, humility, and salvation. Green Day has continued their maturity with this album, and prove that you can return after great success and build on it. Kudos.

Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown -
Songs to Download - Get them all

Review #2 - Angels & Demons

Sun, 17 May 2009 12:02:27 -1600

Dan Brown's novels are great. They inspire curiosity, mystery, and intrigue. And they are highly controversial. The Da Vinci Code was a huge success in theaters, and Ron Howard & co. look to cash in once again with Angels & Demons.

I've read most of Brown's work, and I think that Angels & Demons is his best work. Illuminati, the Vatican, and the scientific world of particle collision and anti-matter blended science and religion beautifully in the novel. The movie, as long as it is (2 hrs 20 min), doesn't really cash in on the mysticism surrounding these topics. Instead, Howard takes Robert Langdon on a 2+ hour chase scene, racing to various points around the Vatican to stop the bad guys from winning.

Don't get me wrong, the action is great, and Tom Hanks does a great job as Langdon once again. But he rarely offers insight to the meanings and symbolism that worked so well in the book. He did a lot more explaining during The Da Vinci Code (movie), which is why it translated well to the big screen. Angels & Demons missed out on this a bit, which is why it is not as good as it could have been. Also, there were key plot points in the novel that were not covered in the movie. I know it's hard to cram everything into a movie without it turning into a four-hour marathon, but some throwaway items could have been replaced with actual dialogue that bridged plot points.

There's twists and turns, and the ending is a hopeful insight to religion and science, but overall it didn't pack the punch that Langdon's other novel-to-film had. Better book - Angels & Demons. Better movie - The Da Vinci Code

I give Angels & Demons six out of ten ambigrams.